I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
