Me. At least after what I've been through.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I looked at my own cervix.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
