so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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