I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
