you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
