Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
