You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
