I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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