i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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