and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
