Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
