I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
