Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
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Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
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I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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