She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
