There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
