So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The adults are the big ones right?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
