Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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