He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I could fuck to npr.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
