the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
