The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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