Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
someone threw a dead crab at me
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
