Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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