Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
