just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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