as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
