I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
