Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you didnt know i had herpes?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
