i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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