made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
