I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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