So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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