he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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