Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
