make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
