I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
