Can Purell be used as lube?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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