Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's never too late to be topless.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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