i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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