my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
we should paint friendship bongs
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
