question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
