he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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