I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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