Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
