you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
