girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
