If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
