The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If that was your dad, he is hot
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
