Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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