My pussy is not your playground.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My liver just had a heart attack.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
