It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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