Sober January is a disaster.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
