she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I stole a fireplace last night.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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