direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
