I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My ass is underappreciated
I have fence marks all over my body
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
