Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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