Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
