I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
