she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
