I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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