She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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