And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
