Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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