So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
