Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
