He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Randomize
