He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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