Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize