she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
