Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
