i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
