Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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