guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize