I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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