ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
